My Dearest Ianto
by WeevilRockYou95
Summary: During the year that never was Jack writes Ianto a letter. (Is an extract from a much longer story which has been driving me crazy so is currently on hiatus- sorry guys)


_AN: Okay, so this is a rough draft of something much MUCH longer I'm working on. Essentially this letter was written during the year that never was and Ianto finds it in Jack's pocket? memory box? desk drawer? (haven't decided yet, what do you guys think?) some point during series 2 and... I'm not going to tell you anymore because that would spoil it. I want to know what you think of the letter, I want to make sure it's perfect as it's so important in the story. If there's anything you think should be changed/added, let me know :) _

My Dearest Ianto,

I cannot possibly apologise enough for the turmoil I must have put you through when I left, I only hope that I had the chance to say a proper goodbye. I can't really remember what happened, everything before this awful time is a bit of a blur to me now (everything except how I feel about you). If I didn't say goodbye, then know that it wasn't because I didn't want to, hell I'd been planning to take you with me if the doctor agreed. The reason I left in such a hurry, it wasn't because I don't want to be with you or the team, you need to trust me on that. The team has become like family to me, and you...Ianto, I love you. I have no idea if I've told you that yet or not, so much has happened this past year, this horrifying year, it makes my brain a little foggy. I hope that I have though. As for why I had to go with the doctor, you should have figured out that I am immortal by now, he's the only chance I have at being able to die again Ianto. I want nothing more than for him to fix me so that I can come home to you and know that we will be able to grow old together, you are the only person who has ever loved me for who I truly am (Yes, I am aware that you love me) and I want to share every precious moment with you. Yan, I truly believe that you are my soul-mate... Which is saying something as I haven't ever actually believed in such things, and it pains me to know that I'm only going to have you in my life for the shortest amount of time before I'm forced to move on. The thing is, I don't think I'll ever be able to get over you, Jones Ianto Jones, just wait out millennia thinking about how lucky I was to have even had the briefest of moments with the love of my life. (That's you by the way, if you haven't fainted in shock by now or dismissed this letter as a piece of cruel bullshit created by Owen to tease you) I want you to know how special you are, how important you are to me. You make me feel alive and whole and human again Ianto. I haven't felt that way since the old days, before I became a monster, back when I was travelling with the doctor and Rose. I didn't think I'd ever feel that way again. You've achieved the impossible Yan, I don't know how or when but you've wormed your way into my heart and soul and that's why it pains me to write this letter. This letter I wish you could but know you will never read. I heard your screams when he brought you here, I was heart-broken, I kept wishing it was one of the others and not you. Never you. I feel awful for saying that, I really really do... but I need you Cariad. I know he hasn't killed you yet, the sick fuck would have come to gloat straight away and that scares me more somehow. I don't know what he's going to do to you and I'm so sorry because this is all my fault. He drugged me. I don't know how many days ago, I have recently lost the concept of time, I don't even think my meals are brought at the same time every day just to mess with my mind even further. He drugged me until I didn't even know who or where I was and tortured me until I spoke. I am so so sorry Ianto, the only word to leave my lips was your name, your beautiful name that warms my heart and comforts me in even the darkest of moments. I can't take this guilt, it's all my fault that he's got you somewhere aboard this ship and is doing god knows what to you and I can't even do anything about it because I'm stuck in this god-forsaken fucking cell! I have never wanted to die more, I just want this horrid nightmare to end. I should never have treated you the way I did, I shouldn't have distanced myself just to avoid being hurt when I eventually lost you, it's worse to know that I never showed you the extent of my love when I could, that the others didn't know of our relationship. I could see how much you wanted to take things further. Why did I have to push you away!? I should have lavished you with attention and treated you right when I had the chance. If by some miracle, we manage to escape this hell, I will make things right. I promise you that Ianto. I love you. I love you so much and I promise that if we make it out of this alive I will do what I should have done ages ago, I'll wine you and dine you, I'll tell you how much you mean to me every chance I get, I'll show you off to the team... actually no. Not just the team, I will show you off to the whole of Cardiff, the whole of Wales, the entire Universe! Everybody in all of existence will know that you are the most beautiful, wonderful, magnificent, perfect being that ever existed! They will Yan. Don't give up hope, no matter what that sadistic bastard is doing to you, stay strong. I'm here, I'm only a floor away, I hope you know how close I am. Can you feel my love for you? I know you're slightly empathic, I've been trying to send waves of compassion and safety to you whenever I can. I hope it's reaching you through all the pain and horror. Oh my Welshman, what is he doing to you? I can't bear it. I ju- Shit. I hear him coming. I love you Yan.

Forever Yours,  
Jack

_AN 2: I know it's just a huge bock of text right now. It was just easiest to get it up and posted this way as it's such a rough draft, in the full-story there will be paragraphs and everything-yay! haha_


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